Sasuke Fails!
by CrazyBitchWithAKunai
Summary: Sasuke is trying to get Sakura to date him... And he sucks at it


**An/ Ok! I'm going to do something new... Instead of posting whenever I get a new chapter I'm going to write a story all at once or keep 1-2 finished chapters in reserve so that it can regulate my updates. I will also be typing one or two shots in between so you guys know I didn't run off ok?**

**I ownez nothing!**

Sasuke had a problem. The one thing he wanted he couldn't get. He had tried to drop hints to this person but she just completely ignored him; that stung his manly Uchiha pride. All he wanted was to date Sakura, but every time he tried to use a fail-proof pick up line he got a brand new bruise.

He had even had gone as low as to ask Naruto for help getting the pink haired anbu to date him; but he just laughed. "You want to date Sakura? Good luck, Sakura has no clue about boys. I would try and see what gets you punched then write it down. Oh, also talk to her friend's one look from you and they will tell you all you need to know"

Sasuke thought about it for a moment then decided what did he have to lose? (Besides a few molars.)

_This is So stupid, I'm Uchiha Sasuke (_**Almost put Itachi there... I'm obsessed.') **_I have girls practically kill each other for a chance to TALK with me! Yet the girl I want will nothing to do with me. What happened to the fangirl who was so weak? Oh yeah that evil bitch she is now killed her. How am I going to make her love me again? Now that Itachi is dead I need to rebuild the clan... but I scared those other girls will kidnap me in my sleep and sell me on eBay to even crazier girls. I HATE ALL FANGIRLS!_

Ino tried to stifle a laugh as the last Uchiha came into her shop, blushing!

"Ino?"

"Yes Sasuke-kun?" Ino put a little drawl in her vive making the man in front of her shift nervously.

"I... need help dating Sakura." The last part was said to the floor as Sasuke bowed his head in embarrassment. Ino practically screamed in laughter. "Alright lover-boy, Lets catch you a cherry blossom." He was doomed Sasuke thought glumly as Ino's eyes light up in an evil gleam.

_Alright after that hellish trip with Ino, I have a few Ideas. Girls like cute cuddly things; they also like chocolates and sparkly things._ _'If they would only publish a book on this_. 'How the brain of a girl works' _they would make a ton of cash and guys would finally know what to do, everybody wins! But do they NOOOOO they can't._

_Whatever._

_I'm going to need a list._

_Things to win Sakura's heart:_

_Get her a kitten, girls love soft fluffy things_

_Get chocolate; girls have stupid ideas that chocolate makes everything ok._

_Get a necklace, sparkly things+girls= Sasuke gets a date XD_

_Compliment her, girls like to feel special._

_Flowers are a must, cute things are needed._

_Bake her cookies, again with the chocolate._

_That's all I'm going to do for today, if she needs more she can find a new boyfriend. I'll write in this journal tomorrow for her reaction._

_**Dear diary,**_

_**I think Sasuke is going crazy, He kept looking at me strangely today. When I finally asked him if I had a zit or something he sighed at me and looked away! Stupid boys, he's not even cute anymore! I also think I have a stalker... Today when I woke up there was a basket on my front step! There was the ugliest cat in it and a whole bunch of chocolates. If it is a stalker they obviously don't know I'm on a diet, the same with the burnt cookies! EWWW! Even if I wasn't on a diet I HATE CHOCOLATE! Then there were poppies, not only were they wilting, I'm allergic to poppies! I had these horrible rashes all over from even smelling one. I finally had to throw the entire thing in the trash. But not before I saw this entirely creepy note, I'm double locking all my doors to night. **_

_What did I do wrong! I got her a kitten, so what if it was a little dirty? She didn't like the chocolates I packed in it either TT-TT. She shuddered before throwing the entire thing in the trash. I'm going back to Ino in the morning to ask what went wrong._

_Ino laughed! Laughed! At me! Between hysterics she told me everything I did was wrong, Sakura was no ordinary girl. I knew that! That's why I want to date her! Then the blond brat refused to tell me what to do! Not even a hint, she told me to just tell Sakura how I feel... Duh! I don't do heartfelt confessions of my love, especially to girls! _

_**Ino's driving me insane! When I told her about the stalker-basket she laughed until she cried! Then when she got her breath back she refused to say what was so funny. She didn't know what was up with Sasuke either! Maybe He hit his head harder then I intended when I punched through that tree... I'll check tomorrow. Today he wouldn't even look at me! He is really pissing me off!**_

Ino called her boyfriend as the two hopeless lovers walked away, intent on making a new couple for Konoha to enjoy.

"Sikamaru!" Said Nin winced as his door got kicked open by one pissed off and ignored girlfriend.

"Um hi?"

Ino wasn't having his half-assed excuses. Without further ado she burst into tears; making Shikamaru shift uncomfortably.

"Come on; I know you aren't really crying..." In response Ino's sobs grew louder. Finally admitting defeat Shikamaru kneeled next to the girl on the ground. "I'm sorry I didn't answer. What do you need my help with?"

Ino immidently hugged Shika and squealed. "You are the best boyfriend ever!"

She jumped up and began to explain all her evil ideas to get the lone Uchiha and the cherry blossom together while Shikamaru sighed and reached for his lighter, it was going to be a long day.

Sasuke shoved his hands as deep into his pockets as they could go. Life sucked for the poor duck butt haired man. Sakura had just punched him into the hokage's mountain for saying that he thought she had to train less... Was she anorexic or something? Sasuke was merely trying to say she was looking nice but Sakura didn't agree.

_**I think Sasuke has just done the unthinkable! He's finally developed hormones! I'm so proud :'D... If he wasn't making fun of me all the time. Today he told me that I was too skinny. He looked like he wanted to smack himself so I did the honors for him; the Hokage Mountain has a new hole in it that Sasuke has to repair without justu. Maybe I'll help him if he plays nicely.**_

Sasuke walked slowly to the flower shop. This time he would take Ino's advice... if it wasn't too horribly mushy.

Ino laughed evilly as Sasuke showed up at the door of her shop. "Come on in Sasuke! Are you going to finally take my advice in the matters of the female heart?"

Sasuke blushed and scowled "Just give me her favorite flowers please."

"Why should I?" Ino grinned as Sasuke gave her the patent 'Uchiha death glare of pain and suffering'. "Please that won't work on me."

"What do you want?" 'Evil cunning son of a bitch'

"Now Now Sasuke what would my mother say if she heard you talking like that?" Sasuke paled. Ino's mother was touchy about names and she controlled most of the missions anbu were sent out on.

"Now if you do me a little favor we can discuss you problem with my bff."

"..."

"Do you want to end up in the hospitable?"

"Fine what do you need?"

Ino held up a video camera."YouTube fangirls here I come!"

Sasuke glared at the outfit he was in. Little Bo peep? Not only was he in a pink frilly dress he had a Naruto-sheep and cat ears! Naruto only agreed to the plot after Sasuke treated him to ramen.

"3...2...1 Go!" Ino proceeded to hold up the camera as Sasuke made a complete fool of himself. At the end he sang "Little bo peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find him" as Naruto hid. When Sasuke 'found' Naruto he had to give the kuubi container a huge hug. Ino motioned frantically for a kiss; holding up the flowers that were soon to be his if he just followed along with the harpies plan.

Ever so slowly Sasuke kissed Naruto's forehead before Ino nodded and Sasuke threw Naruto away from him.

"Hey! Is that any way to treat your precious sheep?"

"Shut up. Just Shut up." Sasuke ripped off the offending cat ears and clothes then grabbed the flowers and ran to Sakura's house.

A few angry knocks had Sakura rolling out of bed sleepily. Who was that?

Opening the door she was surprised to see Sasuke holding a bunch of her favorite flowers. "It's not my birthday is it Sasuke?"

Sasuke sighed as she was totally missing the point; he shoved the flowers at her and muttered something unbearable. "What?"

Sasuke grabbed her bodily and kissed Sakura firmly. When they broke apart Sasuke glared at the wall. "I said I wanted to date you."

Sakura was stunned before piecing together his behavior. Just as he was turning to go she crushed herself to his back. "Wait! I do still love you Sasuke!"

-Later-

Ino laughed as her video was made number one in just a few hours after loading. She was finally a YouTube hit! Ino began to laugh evilly while plotting the end of the world.

Shikamaru sighed as he found an empty bottle of monster in the garbage. So that's what this about... Being as smart as he is Shikamaru left the poor suckers to their fate and ninja-poofed himself away from his crazy girlfriend.

**AN/ Just a fun little drabble! Tell me what you think. I thought about this from my boyfriend's cluelessness. It's not as bad as Sasuke's here because Sasuke is funny! He's trying to be sweet in his usually gruff and kinda mean way. :) Review? And if anyone wants to draw a pic of Sasuke in the dress I will love you forever!**


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